Do y'all remember the economy during the pandemic? Have you guys seen the increase in gas prices? And you know what; the billionaires, banking elites and oligarchs got even richer off your backs.
Doesn't that piss you off? Don't you want to take back some of their profits?
Well, let me introduce you to Super Capitalism!
Starting the day you're born, the United States will put away money every month in your name. Every month until you're 18.
Now, during those 216 months, the most powerful and largest insider organization is investing your cash: The Federal Reserve.
And who better to handle the investment you made and actively make with every bag of groceries you buy, every gallon of gas you fill and every hour of blood, sweat and tears you work?
An investment in the U.S. economy handled by the Fed.
And here's the best part: once you turn 18, that money starts paying dividends. In fact, every month, you'll get a Freedom Dividend of $1,000 from your country to acknowledge your patriotic participation in the strongest, richest and greatest nation on earth.
This $1,000 is a small step in preparing you to enter the workforce. Use it to pay for college; use it to pay for rent; use it to start your own business; use it to help raise a family. Hell, use it to buy a new AR-15 for all I care, because what you do with that money is none of my damn business, nor anyone else's, especially the federal government.
This country was founded on the trust of mankind, on the trust that thirteen different states and their people could unite together. America was built on the trust that ultimately your neighbor will do the right thing.
If not, chaos should descend upon us.
Yet, 250 years later, we're still standing and thriving. 250 years later, we're still the greatest, most powerful and influential country in the collective history of the world.
And listen, yes, there's a very, very small group of people that'll use this Freedom Dividend, let's say, suboptimally.
But guess what? No matter how poorly this money's used, and I'd like to emphasize again that 99.99% of Americans will use it to ultimately better society, this money will go back into your pockets, one way or another.
It will go back through sales tax, through income tax, through job creation, through a booming economy, through healthier lives and a stronger position toward the true pursuit of happiness.
And think for a second. Imagine the worst possible way someone could use US dollars. Even if someone were to literally donate our money to another country, in this very worst-case scenario, we'd get a minimum, a minimum, of 25% back.
Because guess what; we've got what they want.
America's economy is still strong! For example, we produce and export over a fourth of the world's consumer goods and make more and more every year.
Imagine if we were to give Americans even more freedom to produce whatever they wanted, to pursue even higher education, to live without constant fear and insecurity. We'd be even more unstoppable than we already are.
China's been slowly and steadily catching up to us, but they still have a long, long way to go. With this Freedom Dividend, this investment in Americans, China, Russia, Saudi Arabia, all our allies and rivals, wouldn't be able to come even close to us ever again.
What's going on right now in Ukraine is a tragedy. However, it's a symptom of a greater issue.
Russia invaded not just because they thought it was a good time to, but because they thought they could get away with it.
And firstly, let me just say, they aren't getting away with it.
The whole world is against them on this one and the whole world is watching and judging Russia for every missile they fire, every building they destroy, and tragically, every civilian they kill.
But, like I said, this tragedy is a symptom of a greater issue.
When generals, national security advisors, intelligence agencies and other military experts and advisors say financial instability and insecurity is a national security threat, this is exactly what they mean.
Stop and think about what could have happened for a second. Think that Russia could selectively cut countries who opposed them off from Russian oil.
And truly stop and think about how morbidly ridiculous that is. A whole country could get annihilated, wiped off the map, just because gas is now a dollar more expensive.
That reality is, frankly, insane. But, unfortunately, it's the reality we live in.
You can't expect a country to help others when half it's population is struggling to make ends meet.
I say screw that; no more!
I want to live in a reality where gas increasing by a dollar is an annoyance, a mild inconvenience. I want it to be something you complain about on Twitter and go about your day, not something you have to lobby your politicians to fix. I want it to be the difference between two trips to Cancún this year or three, not the difference between paying your electricity bill or buying groceries.
I want a reality where no American has to worry about money, where they know their country really has their back. A reality where we don't have to fight for basic human rights like healthy food, safe drinking water and a sturdy roof over our heads.
So, let's save you some time and accelerate your life plans. Instead of having to save up for years or take out disastrous loans to pursue your dreams, let's give you a safer opportunity to hit the ground running.
Let's get the best, brightest, and honestly, greediest people to make money for you. To work for you. To give you some value instead of stealing everything and giving nothing in return.
It's time for every American to start getting their piece of the pie. It's much less than what you deserve for all the hard work, and once again, all the blood sweat and tears you shed for this great nation, that you shed on American soil, but it's a significant and meaningful and huge step for an incredibly bright tomorrow.
Let's stop all these stupid arguments designed to distract us from the real, important issues.
Also, let's stop worrying about saving 2% from one program, cutting 3% from another; increasing this tax by five points and lowering this other by two.
This is all adds up to what really is just a drop in the bucket.
Let's stop worrying about that one guy your father's uncle's cousin saw buying a beer and just do this.
America trusts you, I trust you, and hopefully, your politicians trust you.
But, if you think your politicians don't trust you, if you think they don't believe in you, yet are still begging for your vote, then I think it's time to vote in some new ones.
Remember, you're their boss. They do what you want them to, not the other way around. And if they don't do what they're supposed to be doing, then it's time to VOTE THEM OUT!
Thank you and God bless.
Author's Notes
This speech is primarily inspired by Andrew Yang's Freedom Dividend and Vaush's Super Capitalism speech.
I give unique permission for this speech alone to be modified, used, plagiarized, memed or otherwise appropriated by any good or bad faith entity.
